The first days at home following a SCAD are indescribably difficult. For many of us, the sudden jolt of going from being perfectly healthy and fine one moment, to facing a life-threatening situation the next is overwhelming. It is a trauma and the mind takes a very long time to process it, heal, and trust again. How long the mind takes, and what works to help heal the mind, is going to be different for every survivor.
At first, my mind felt out of control with anxious thoughts about death and a hyper-awareness of every sensation in my body. I organized my bedside like my hospital room and was vigilant about taking and recording each of the medications I came home with. I also kept my doctors' numbers, a cell phone, and a land line on me at all times.
My daughter Kari by my side was one of the most healing energies to me during this time. Mother's Day had been my first day home from the hospital and Kari helped me into the shower and onto a shower stool that Mark had bought. The warm spray of the shower felt good on my back as I hunched forward with a hand towel over my chest. I used the towel to keep the incision, that now ran down the center of my chest, dry. My sternum and my pectoral muscles ached and I could not yet lift my arms very high so Kari washed my hair for me. A light spring breeze and sunshine came through the bathroom window and my son, Wesley, was outside the door playing jazzy chords on his electric guitar. That memory is still so vivid, probably because it was such a moment of peace in an otherwise fearful time.
Later on that first day home, a friend visited and brought me a booklet written by Joseph Murphy. Murphy was one of the writers from the 19th Century New Thought spiritual movement. In the booklet, I found a small section that could calm my mind. I read the lines over and over and later started using them as a meditation. As I read the words, I would imagine blood flowing through my heart normally and every cell in my newly-grafted artery healing and functioning properly. My request during the meditation was perfect and complete healing. I still turn to these words today when anxiety crops up.
I invite you to use the meditation below if it feels right to you. You may drop the word God if it does not work with your beliefs and replace it where needed with another word such as 'beauty" or "love" or "life force.
At first, my mind felt out of control with anxious thoughts about death and a hyper-awareness of every sensation in my body. I organized my bedside like my hospital room and was vigilant about taking and recording each of the medications I came home with. I also kept my doctors' numbers, a cell phone, and a land line on me at all times.
My daughter Kari by my side was one of the most healing energies to me during this time. Mother's Day had been my first day home from the hospital and Kari helped me into the shower and onto a shower stool that Mark had bought. The warm spray of the shower felt good on my back as I hunched forward with a hand towel over my chest. I used the towel to keep the incision, that now ran down the center of my chest, dry. My sternum and my pectoral muscles ached and I could not yet lift my arms very high so Kari washed my hair for me. A light spring breeze and sunshine came through the bathroom window and my son, Wesley, was outside the door playing jazzy chords on his electric guitar. That memory is still so vivid, probably because it was such a moment of peace in an otherwise fearful time.
Later on that first day home, a friend visited and brought me a booklet written by Joseph Murphy. Murphy was one of the writers from the 19th Century New Thought spiritual movement. In the booklet, I found a small section that could calm my mind. I read the lines over and over and later started using them as a meditation. As I read the words, I would imagine blood flowing through my heart normally and every cell in my newly-grafted artery healing and functioning properly. My request during the meditation was perfect and complete healing. I still turn to these words today when anxiety crops up.
I invite you to use the meditation below if it feels right to you. You may drop the word God if it does not work with your beliefs and replace it where needed with another word such as 'beauty" or "love" or "life force.
"Let's be still now. God is in all, over all, all in all. The Love, the Light, the Glory of the Infinite animates and sustains you. The miraculous healing power which made you from a cell is now flowing through you, vitalizing, healing, restoring your whole being. God's healing love dissolves everything unlike itself, in your mind and heart, and the Peace of the everlasting God fills your soul, mind, and body in whatever your request is."
- Joseph Murphy
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