Ferried Past the Fear

Someone had just left her there on the wharf with her legs draped over the end of the cargo cart. Her finger tips gently touched the edge of the fence that separated her from the upright people about to board the ferry. Did I hear a whispered last breath? "Help me...help me."

What a display for me to happen upon  -- ME on the day I would be facing a lingering post-SCAD fear, which was to board a ferry in Portland and travel out to visit one of the many islands we have in Casco Bay. Need I say that she scared the bejeezus out of me? It was only for a moment, but still...

Rescue-Me Rhonda. Saved-at-Sea Suzie. Whatever her name was, she was a sight to behold! There she was, buck naked and wound in rope. Couldn't one of the crew have thrown a tarp or an old rain slicker over her until she was needed for her next mission?

I stopped to take a few pictures just to record the irony of the moment. Here I had arrived early to process my SCAD-related fear and this is what the universe threw in my path! What if something happened to me? Would they cart me back to shore like this?

This type of fear is a slow, simmering worry.  I think of it as a pondering old owl that has been sitting on my shoulder since I had my SCAD two years ago. The owl sits there judging what I should and should not do. It is not always a rational owl, or a wise owl. It likes most to screen situations for safety, sometimes at the expense of joy. 

The owl has been deliberating on this one for a while. Going out to sea and spending a day on one of the island beaches was always one of my favorite things to do in summer in Maine. Every time I thought about going, the owl would hoot, "The boat won't be back for twooooo hours or more! What if something happens with your heart!" 

Two summers have passed without an island trip and the owl still hooting away so I decided it was time to deal with it. After all, the islands are populated. There are emergency responders on each island. There are also emergency water taxis that can zip people right back into Portland. And of course there is the obvious -- my heart is healed and I have had no problems in the last two years. Owl overruled!

This trip turned out to be a great choice to get my sea courage back. I went with good friends to the closest island, Peaks Island, the one most populated and with the most frequent ferry runs. We had a lovely dinner on the deck of The Cockeyed Gull where we watched the sky fade into evening over the city in the distance. A few hours later, the ferry returned us all back safely.

It was a small step but I did it and shut the old owl up, despite Rescue-Me Rhonda at the start of my path! I do not really understand why the thought of being out on an island caused me much greater worry than flying in an airplane. (I have flown three times in two years and the owl snoozed through all of those. Go figure!). 

Fear is not rational. Neither is SCAD. I have no explanation for either.